Penna Turnpike 2 miles.
So I'm driving in Ohio because our company has more work to the West, and I see a sign that says Penna Turnpike 2 miles. For those of you familiar with I-80/I-76, that puts me about a mile past the last rest stop in Ohio, which has a McDonalds , a bathroom and a tourist center, and milling people with confused expressions on their faces. Then I see a sign that says Ohio Bids You Adieu! Okay, It doesn't really, but the point is that Ohio is spelled out in full. I finally cross no man's land, the Turnpike twilight zone, the Interstate DMZ and know I am back in PA Firma for two reasons, one is that my speed must by proper highway law drop precipitously, and two, a large sign that says, Welcome to Pennsylvania!
Once in my home state,thoughts began to rise and fill in my rather empty craw. PA Turnpike 2 miles would be acceptable, but why stint on letters. I mean what is wrong with Pennsylvania, the long spelling, and where is Penna anyway? I mulled over it the whole way home while I nipped at my moustache with my teeth, which I finally clipped the next morning, and went into a fitful sleep. Counting letters and never above five - P-E-N-N-A. Why not, my last thought, before my journey to Cloud Cuckoo Land and Aristophanes, P-E-N-N, at least it was the same length as O-H-I-O.
I awoke early and fit as a fiddle, after shower I played the hair of my mid-back with the towel as a bow, as I danced a jig and wrastled my teeth and yea! and verily took my new medications. When I walked into the office I was greeted with the ubiquitous office phone pink call memo from a customer saying, "Hey, tomorrow, would be a great time to meet with you." Of course, tomorrow was now today and his particular firm is in......, can't fool you reader....., Ohio, only not so far west as the previous day.
I make the trip. I make the meeting. Finally I turn my noble Taurus East, pat its snout, give it a light peck on the hood and head toward the sunrise. There, confronting me almost immediately, at the Tollbooth, are two signs, one says Penna Turnpike and East - Pittsburgh, the other Ohio Turnpike and West - Cleveland. I stifle the oblivious bad taste in my mouth that the Pittsburgh/Cleveland football team rivalry has nurtured over the years. Once took a guy to a Pittsburgh/Cleveland game (the outcome was glorious!) who had lived in the Allegheny County for almost seven years, a transplant from Cleveland, and he was digging great gouts with his fingernails out of the Three Rivers Stadium Seats. It is a deep seated and perhaps ugly prejudice, but it is all ours and both sides will kill you if you mess with it.
Where was I.... oh yes Pittsburgh was spelled out. Cleveland was spelled out. Ohio was spelled out. But BUt BUT Poor Pennsylvania was designated Penna!
Time, I think, to right wrongs, correct injustices, to strike back! How about What's Round On The Ends And High In The Middle Turnpike 2 miles, printed in large lavender letters as you approach Ohio from PA roads. Or spell it, Oiho, backwards or abbreviate Ohi Turnpike 2 miles!
I tell you I was muttering to myself all the way to the state line. Then I was very hungry and I had to eat dinner. I don't like to think what I would have done if food hadn't intervened, after a trip to the hardware for a couple cans of white and green spray paint.
Did you know that Reynoldsburg Ohio is the birth place of the tomato? I didn't think so!